From the "I wish I hadn't seen that" Department

I felt nauseated for twenty minutes after viewing this. Not since "Treasure of the Four Crowns" has a film so disturbed me, and like "TOTFC," I'm sure it was meant to be a rousing adventure, in the vein of "Star Wars" or "Raiders of the Lost Ark."

Instead, it's just damned unsettling. Enjoy.

Idealistic Teacher Fails to Inspire Inner City Classroom

New York, NY – A Long Island teacher is being hospitalized following a brutal attack by his 9^th grade English students. 26-year-old Anthony Silver, a ponytailed teacher at PS 231 in New York City, is currently under observation for injuries sustained during the attack. According to eyewitnesses, Silver had attempted to inspire his students by dressing as Horatio Hornblower, standing on his desk, and loudly commanding them to “take the helm and be the commander of their own destiny!”

This attempt was the latest in a series of efforts by the idealistic, Birkenstock-wearing teacher to inspire his students.

Long identified as the class “nerd” for maintaining an ‘A’ average, Maya Ling stated that she had previously “felt sorry” for Silver.

“He was a nice guy,” stated Ling. “I supported him when he tried to inspire us with the soul-stirring rhythms of Samba dancing, and even helped him carry the gear when he tried to teach us to value ourselves with fencing lessons. When he started in with that nonsense about ‘Captaining our vessels of discovery,’ though, we had to drop some motherf***ing b’s on his ass.”

Ling is facing a three week suspension along with 15 of her classmates.

Despite suffering life-threatening injuries, including a ruptured spleen and a concussion that left him unable to speak for several days, Silver is undeterred from his mission.

“If we don’t believe in these kids,” Silver gasped through shattered, swollen lips, “how can they ever believe in themselves?”

Who's Buying Those Archie n' Veronica Digests in the Supermarket?

Last confirmed subscriber, circa 1959
A reputed fan.
What about this guy?

Having failed to secure Discovery Channel funding to explore the possibility that the H.M.S. Titanic was sunk by a Kraken, Vic from Cryptozoology is hot on the trail of another elusive entity: the person or persons buying Archie n' Veronica Digest from supermarket checkout stands. The things are always stocked, always available. Someone is buying them.

But who?

And to what end?

Damn this man.

Steve from Accounting's Dad, caught on tape by concerned citizen.

What's your father doing in my backyard?

Victor from the Crypto department here, writing to inform you that your father has once again been spotted in my backyard. I was out doing my usual thing at 3 a.m. last Friday (using my neighbor's cat as live bait) when I spotted some movement in the pines. Now, my back 40 is normally a quiet place -- too quiet, if you ask me -- but on this particularly Friday night I was convinced that I was witnessing the tell-tale stealthy movements of a small humanoid, perhaps about to jump on the bait I had so craftily prepared (Tabby, pawing at can of Tongol tuna hanging from a low branch).

When I shone my high-powered beam in its direction, however, it turned out that it was your father. Again. And I don't know what the hell he was doing, but it's creeping my wife and kids out. I've considerately avoided printing any names, Steve from accounting, but I want this stopped.

Yours in Crypto,
Vic